Switched
by Ultra-Geek
Summary: [Cuffs sequel]When the cuffs came off, Scott and Logan thought it was over. But as they still can't get along, Xavier forces them to spend a week in each other's bodies. And here's the catch: If they tell anyone, then it’s longer for them to spend switche
1. The Switch

**Title**: Switched  
**Author**: Ultra-Geek  
**Rating**: T for Logan's language  
**Disclaimer: **I don't own anything.  
**Summery**: Cuffs sequel When the cuffs came off, Scott and Logan thought it was over. But as they still can't get along, Xavier forces them to spend a week in each other's bodies. And here's the catch: If they tell anyone, then it's longer for them to spend switched.  
**Timeline: **After X3, everyone's alive  
**AN:** It's the unofficially official sequel to Cuffs! Now, you don't need to have read that to understand this, but please note that: 1.) There will be references to it and 2.) It's my best humor work yet, so you should read it. Anyways, I hope that this lives up to Cuffs, but don't hold your breath, I don't want any potential reviewer suffocating!

**Chapter One:** So It Begins…

Charles Xavier rubbed his temples. He just couldn't shake this headache. And the most pitiful part of it was that it wasn't caused by any students. Jubilation Lee wasn't parading back and forth outside of his office, demanding a spot on the X-men team. At least, she wasn't at the moment. One of the newer students wasn't putting up invisible barriers in the halls, or on the toilet seats, as he'd taken a liking too. There wasn't even some sort of mutant problem abroad. No. This mutant problem was taking place right inside his school.

Well, in all technicalities it was two mutant problems. And their names were Scott Summers and Logan.

Charles shook his head. Yes, Logan had caused the stairs to cave in underneath Scott. But other than a faintly bewildered Storm, there was no proof. Scott, conceivably, had retaliated by filling Logan's sock drawer with cooked rice. But there was no proof. There was only one way to say it.

It was war.

Again.

But this time, they weren't out in the open about it. No, there were no exploding muffins or espionage involving students. Charles knew it was them, Jean knew it was them, Storm knew, basically, everyone knew, but there was no proof. Charles couldn't very well put a stop to something that, quote on quote, 'wasn't happening'. He banged his head down on the desk. It was like having a personal Mafia disaster.

And then it hit him.

_No_, the morally right ethical part of his mind whispered. _I can't do that._

But then the other part, the half that tended to make idiotic mistakes from time to time, prodded_ But it would be very educational…not to mention entertaining…_

_Don't listen! DO NOT LISTEN! It's against your ethical code!_

_No, you _know_ it's them. Who else could it possibly be?_

_Shut up, you!_

_You._

Good Lord, Charles thought. I'm going insane. And he knew that he would, if something, or someone, didn't take matters into their own hands. Or mind, as it were. _Besides,_ he reasoned with himself, _we could all use a laugh…_

And five minutes later, both Scott and Logan were sitting in front of Xavier's desk. Both were experiencing a serious Déjà vu. Logan looked sideways at Scott. "I got a bad feeling about this, Scooter."

"You have a 'bad feeling' about everything, Logan."

"Yeah, and I'm usually right."

"Name three times."

"Liberty Island, soldiers attacking the school, the dam exploding, the last time we got sent here…"

"That was four, my mathematically challenged friend, "

"So? It still proves my point."

"Will you two just stop arguing for five minutes so I can tell you why you are here?!" Charles snapped.

"Sure, Chuck. All you had to do was ask."

Charles felt another headache coming on. "I'm sure you've both noticed the recent rampage of childish pranks,"

The two men both adopted innocent looks that resembled that of a bank robber denying ever committing the crime. "Kids will be kids, Charles." Scott said dryly.

"And there are a lot of kids here, Chuck," Logan commented.

"And yet," Charles continued, "All of these pranks seem to be focused on you two. First on one, then on the other, then on one, then on the other…do you see the pattern?"

"They prank me because I'm a teacher," Scott said, with the air of one reciting a practiced speech. "They prank Logan because he's an ass. Kids have radar for that sort of thing."

Logan looked like he was about to retaliate, but instead said, "He's right, you know."

"And that's what you both think?" Charles looked from one to the other. Scott had suddenly found the knuckles on his left hand extremely fascinating while Logan was attempting, and failing, to swat a fly that was buzzing around his head.

"Yep,"

"Pretty much,"

"Well," Charles said. "Do you want to know what I think?"

Logan leaned back and lit a cigar. "What the hell? I've got an hour to kill." Scott merely shrugged.

"I think that it's you two."

Logan took on an expression of one who had just suffered an ultimate betrayal. "That hurts, Chuck that really hurts." The expression disappeared. "Besides, you have no proof."

Charles arched an eyebrow. "Actually, I do," He pulled an empty rice bag from his pocket. "I found this in the garbage."

"That's your proof?" Scott asked incredulously. "It's a _school,_ you know. There are a lot of kids here. Any of them could've eaten that rice, and then thrown it away."

"In Logan's sock drawer?"

"My money's on Jubilee." Logan commented, finally managing to kill the fly.

"And Logan," Charles turned on him. "Storm saw you running away, carrying a couple of 2x4's, a hammer, and some nails. Not a second later, the stairs caved in under Scott. How do you explain that?"

"She was clearly hallucinating. I wasn't near her room then."

"Now Logan, I don't remember mentioning _where_ she saw you." Charles felt a sort of glee at the stricken looks on both men's faces.

"It was his entire fault!" Scott pointed at Logan. "I was just…defending myself! Don't make us wear the 'cuffs again, please!"

Logan looked over at Scott. "Thanks, Scott. Your loyalty is touching."

"No problem,"

"I'm not going to put you back into the handcuffs." Charles answered. "That, apparently, didn't work. And so now, I have come up with a much more suitable punishment."

Logan and Scott blinked. When Logan opened his eyes, everything was red and black. He heard a gasp from Scott. Then, it occurred to him that the view point of Xavier's desk had changed. He looked over to where Scott was sitting; only it wasn't Scott.

It was him.

"Holy shit!" He swore. Upon hearing not his voice, but Scott's swear, he swore again. "Holy shit!" He put his hand up to where his sideburns were supposed to be, only to find his face rather sideburnless. His hand hit a pair of glasses. He made to take them off, only to be stopped by Xavier.

"I wouldn't do that, Logan, unless you want to blow us all to pieces." He turned to Scott, or Logan, or Scott in Logan's body. "And Scott, you can open your eyes."

Scott slowly opened one of his eyes. "What the hell did you do, Charles?" He demanded, after nearly falling out of his chair at the sight of himself, or Logan, or Logan in his body.

"Since you two can't seem to get along, you will have to live in each other's lives for a week. If anyone outside the three of us finds out about this, then it's extra time until you get put back. Are we clear?" Charles looked from one to the other.

"You…" Logan started, his trademark growl not coming out as threatening seeing as he had Scott's voice. He paused, unable to find a decent insult in his vast vocabulary.

"Now, Storm and I are going away for this week, so it will only be you two and Jean." Charles began to roll out. "If I found out that one of you has told someone of this, then you will spend more time switched. Have a nice week," And he left, leaving Scott and Logan in their personal versions of hell.


	2. The Eleventh Minute

For the past ten minutes, Logan's mind had been transferred into the body of one Scott Summers, a.k.a. Cyclops. He's pinched himself eight times, and even tried to pop his claws to stab himself, until he was brutally reminded of the fact that he didn't have his claws. For the past ten minutes, Logan has seen nothing but several varying shades of red and black. Logan doesn't know what to think about this anymore.

For the past ten minutes, Scott's mind has been transferred into the body of one Logan, a.k.a. the Wolverine. He's yelled at Logan for pinching himself eight times now, and had to remind him of the fact that he can't commit suicide by using his claws, as the claws now belong to Scott. For the past ten minutes, Scott has developed a headache, because everything is so damn loud. He really doesn't know what to think about this.

It's on the eleventh minute that all hell breaks loose.

"Logan," Scott growled. "Stop banging my head against the wall."

"It helps me think, Summers." Logan responded. "Stop cracking my knuckles."

"I'll stop cracking your knuckles if you stop banging my head." Scott offered.

Logan arched an eyebrow, a movement completely foreign on Scott's face. He considered, then stopped slamming his head against the wall. "Deal."

Scott rubbed his temples. "Damn," He swore. "Is it always so loud?"

Logan, meanwhile, has dug his left pinkie into his, or Scott's really, ear. "Is it always so quiet?"

There was a small sound from behind them, like a child clearing her throat. Actually, that's exactly what it was. "Are you two okay?" Kitty asks.

"Uh…" They looked at each other. The Professor's warning echoed in both of their minds. Scott crossed his arms and slouched, and Logan stood up ridiculously straight. "Yes," Logan answered.

"Damn straight," Scott adds. Logan gave him a look that clearly said 'what the hell was that?'

Scott gives him one right back.

Kitty looked between them. "…Right." She said, backing away slowly. She turned to Logan, who she thought was Scott. "Look, the others sent me out because we have a class with no teacher, and we could hear you talking out here, Mr. Summers." Neither responded. "Uh, Mr. Summers?"

Scott stomped on Logan's foot. Logan cursed, and waited for the pain to go away. It didn't. Scott gave him a little push. "Go, Logan," He hissed. "And try not to warp the children too much."

"…What?"

"Just follow the lesson plan!" Scott pushed him into the classroom, and buried his face in his hands.

What the hell had he just done?

xXx

Logan meanwhile, was standing in front of a room full of teens. "Ahem," He cleared his throat. His foot was still throbbing. Damn Summers and his non-healing body…

He looked down at the open book on the desk. He felt a headache coming on. At least, he thought it was a headache. Logan hadn't really ever had a headache before, at least not that he could remember. How the hell was he supposed to teach kids something that he didn't know?

There weren't even any numbers in any of these equations!

"Mr. Summers?" He looked up to see the class looking at him curiously. In the door window, he could see his own face jumping up and down and gesturing frantically to talk. Had it been any other circumstance, it would have been funny. However, it wasn't any other circumstance and it _wasn't_ funny. Not by a long shot.

"Uh…"

Scott, meanwhile, was miming something. Logan was trying to figure out what. First his hands were closed, and then he'd open them up again. Logan was instantly reminded about why he hated charades. _Let's see_ he thought. _Book? No. Magazine? No…damn it!_

Now he was pretending to read whatever it was he was pretending to hold. Suddenly, it hit Logan. "Just take the class as a Study…" Now Summers was pointing at the walls around him. "…As a Study hall!"

As the kids opened up their books, shooting furtive glances at their 'teacher', Scott slumped down against the wall. He was expecting a headache, but it never came. However, he did hear footsteps coming down the hall, and a faint cinnamon smell hit his nose. A few seconds later, Storm was looking down at him. "I really hope you're not here to do what I think that you're here to do." She said.

_Think Logan,_ Scott told himself. "And what would that be," Then, as a last ditch effort, he added, "Sto…Stormy?"

"Sabotaging Scott's class," She crossed her arms.

_Just shoot me now._ Scott thought. "Now why would I do that?"

"Because you've spent a couple of months doing just that, Logan."

Scott swallowed. He needed to get out of there. Like, _now_! "I, uh, I thought that you were going with the Professor?"

She scratched her nose. "I am,"

He cleared his throat. "Oh…um…"

She rolled her eyes. "He told me, you know. I know that's you, Scott."

"…Oh."

"Though to be honest," She sat down next to him. "You have the growl down fine. Just…more sarcasm, okay? And less…I don't know, Scottness."

Scott groaned. "Just do me a favor, Ororo, and just fry me with a lightening bolt now."

She rubbed his head, and stood. "I would, but you have Logan's mutation. You'd just get right back up again."

Scott analyzed her for a moment. "You sound like you're talking from experience."

She grinned wickedly, and began to walk away. She stopped and turned. "I almost forgot," She said. "The Professor wanted me to tell you that he made it so that Jean wouldn't be able to use her powers to tell the difference. Something about a mental wall, or something like that." She shrugged, and continued down the hall. "Sorry Sc…Logan."

Scott leaned his head, or Logan's head, back against the wall, groaning. Everything felt so heavy. His arms, his legs, his back, and even his fingers. Scott held up a hand and examined it. He'd always wondered about something…now was his chance to find out.

But how does one get retractable claws to come out?

xXx

Logan had picked a book up from Scott's desk when the yell came from the hallway. All the occupants of the room turned just in time to see the 'Wolverine' run past the window shaking his hand like crazy where metal claws were sticking out.

"OW! Owowoowowowow!" The cry was carried out through the school.

Logan shook his head, or shook Scott's head really. In five seconds, Scott had destroyed any reputable image of Logan that there was. Logan had only one thought in his mind.

And that was _Revenge_.


	3. Scott Doesn't Get Drunk and Logan's Smug

When Logan walked into the kitchen that night, he was greeted by the sight of himself (otherwise known as Summers) sitting at the counter. There was a line of beer bottles in front of him. They were all empty.

"Ah, shit," Logan said.

"Guess how many beers I've had." Scott sounded really gleeful.

"Uh-oh,"

"I have had seven beers." He answered. "And I am not drunk at all." He laughed.

Logan just shook his head. His retort was cut off by one of the students – his name was Johnny or Sammy or Billy or something, Logan couldn't ever keep 'em all straight – coming up and nervously saying. "Hey, Mr. Summers? Could I talk to you for a second?"

"That's you, uh…Scooter." Scott said. "Eight! God, I have to pee!"

"Fine," Logan shuffled out into the hallway again with the nameless mutant following him. "What is it?"

The kid wrung his hands together. "Well, I did what you said but all she did was say that we were only friends and whatever. What do I do now?"

Logan blinked from behind the glasses. He dug a finger into his ear. Hell, why did everything have to be so damned muffled? "Look, I'm an idiot, so you're gonna have to tell me what it is we're talking about."

"Oh, um…okay. You were giving me advice on how to ask this girl out that I like because I don't know how too. And she still shot me down."

"What did I tell you to do?" Logan asked.

"To, uh, give her flowers and ask her out?"

"God, Summer's is such a girl," Logan rubbed the bridge of his – or Scott's – nose.

"What?"

"I mean, I'm such a girl." Logan corrected. "Look, Billy – "

"Jordan," The kid said.

"Right, Jordan. Whatever. You can't go around just giving her flowers."

"But you said – "

"Forget what Sum…I mean, what I said. Just forget it. Any idiot can give a girl flowers, okay? You just got to go up to her and tell her that you're going to go out with her. Women like a man who takes charge, John – "

"Jordan."

"Whatever."

"So…I have to just be a complete jerk?"

"Exactly." Logan clapped him on the shoulder.

"Nine!" Came Scott's – Logan's – voice from the kitchen. "And I'm not even _tipsy_!"

They were both quiet. "Are you sure?" Jordan asked again.

"Yep, but hell, what do I know? I'm an idiot who probably cries during sex."

Logan walked away leaving the stunned Jordan standing behind him.

"Ten!" Scott yelled. "I'm on fire!"

--

It was five minutes after that that Scott realized that ten beers in a row was not a good idea. He also decided that letting Jean find him at it was also not a good idea. Sleeping outside with super hearing, very very bad idea. Super smell? Even worse.

But the worst part was that he really had to pee, and he didn't want to do that. After all, it wasn't even his…his…

Well, you know.

--

Logan contemplated the bathroom door.

Showering, he decided, was just not in his immediate future.

--

_I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom. I don't need to go to the bathroom._

_Oh, God, I need to go to the bathroom!_

--

Logan sat back in the armchair.

Oh yeah. It had been pure genius to tip Jean off about 'Logan' drinking in the school. Served him right for flipping out when the claws popped out and destroying Logan's reputation. And besides, if Logan knew Summers, then he was outside right now trying not to pee in a bush.

--

Bushes were entirely nasty. Scott stared at it. It was probably teeming with bugs and thorns, and animals…and thorns…

But he really needed to go to the bathroom!

--

Logan chuckled as he fell asleep watching the game.

--

Scott was so glad it was dark out as he finally broke down and went to the bathroom.

--

When Logan woke up the next morning, he had the worst crick in his neck he'd ever had. Actually, in retrospect, it was the only crick in the neck he'd ever had.

"That's what you get for sleeping in a chair," His own voice said darkly from the corner. Logan almost jumped. "Yeah. It's not fun to get snuck up on, is it?"

"Not my fault your senses are so damn weak," Logan grumbled. As he rubbed the back of his – Scott's – neck, he stared at Scott. It was like looking in a mirror. Kind of. Scott had his – Logan's – arms crossed as he leaned against the wall. "Do you have a twig in my hair, Summers?"

"Probably. After all, I did sleep _outside_." Scott said.

"Sucks, don't it?" Logan smirked, and turned his head. He winced, again continuing to rub his neck. "Anyway, Scooter. You better get a move on. I…I mean, you lead the charge in battle practice on Tuesdays."

"Wait…its Tuesday?"

"Yeah," Logan shrugged. "So what?"

"That means that," Scott paled out. (Kitty, who happened to be passing by, became fairly alarmed. She'd never seen Logan that pale before…) "Oh, God, no. That means that today is July twenty fifth. Oh, no, no, no! I am so _screwed_! _You're_ so screwed! We're _both_ completely _screwed_, Logan!"

"Summers, you're being even sissier than usual," Logan growled (quiet a feat, seeing as Scott's voice wasn't all that low.) "Will you just spit it out?"

"July twenty fifth is Jean and I's anniversary." Scott said.

"Ah, hell," Logan slapped his forehead. "We _are_ screwed." But then he looked at Scott and raised an eyebrow. "Or at least I am. This whole body swap thing doesn't seem so bad now." His cackle was cut short as he massaged his neck again. "Ow."

Scott kicked the wall.

--

God, I know. It's been so long since I've updated! I'm so so so so sorry! But I'm not going to drop this story! I actually have a decent outline for it! So, thank you, those who've stuck with me. And the following chapters will involve:

Magneto (and I mean the actual Magneto)

A broken window

Rogue

Capture the Flag

AH! WOLVERINE MOVIE! 2009! DOMINIC MONAGHAN IS IN IT!

…AHHHHHH!

I'd also just like to say the whole 'Scott trying to get drunk in Logan's body and failing' thing was the original idea that sparked this story.

Reviews help stop global warming. Al Gore said so, and Bono agrees with him.


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